Tries to get 50-year old air force wing-commanders to change their behavior
Second session he starts differently (not with his credentials) but …
Which is: “that I am a twelve-year old professor trying to teach you experienced guys something”
- No, you’re at least 13!
And he did the exact same presentation.
And this was now the feedback:
Everything I was taught to do in Western Culture:
- To be confident
- Display my expertise
Making fun of myself, calling out the elephant in the room, turned out to be a really positive experience.
Important for building trust and connection with the people we interact with.
- Reveal your shortcomings
only works if you are an expert and have previously given all the right answers
humanizes them -> is a real person; I can relate to that person
pratfall mistake, small mistake in an area of competency led people to warm up to the otherwise competent person
< being open about your vulnerabilities and weaknesses & not only your strengths
- Assertiveness – MEETINGS:
- Come with an opinion
- Back it up with evidence
- Make sure that everybody believes me
If you are working with other people,
collaborating on a team,
serving a client on a project ->
=> Those people will care more (at first flush) with:
– whether you are concerned about their interests
– whether you are warm
– whether you are caring
than they will about your competence.
This is what we need to do gets less trust than
should we maybe do this?
Speaking powerlessly -> willing to defer to the interests of others -> gains their trust
< showing openness to the opinions of others – powerful,
although appearing powerless >
- Ask questions,
joy of talking paradox: the more you talk, the more you feel you learned
Ask someone for advice:
- You flatter them
we all admire the wisdom of people who come to us for advice
‘cause they have really good taste!
- To give advice you have to have looked at the situation from their perspective
– you tend to identify a little bit more
– you’ll empathize a little bit more
- If there is any way you can help them, you’ll step up.
-> if they were an adversary, they could become an advocate.
Incredibly powerful, despite the fact that
- You don’t have all the answers
- You don’t know what to do
- You need and depend on the recommendations and wisdom of other people
Power in powerless communication:
- When we reveal our shortcomings
- -> people can relate to us
- Step a little back from our ideas and show that
- we are interested in what other people have to say and
- we are willing to make a genuine connection with them and work with them as equals as opposed to in a steep hierarchy
- When we start asking people questions
- We learn things about them and we
- We let them experience the great joy when we get to talk about our favorite topic on earth: ourselves
So consider – even if not in every conversation – when you feel the need to dominate
- Power talk and
- Power words
- And being as dominant / confident / authoritative as you feel like you need to be
In order to command respect
That actually there is a power in
- Speaking a little bit more softly
- And tentatively
- And quietly
To the point where other people can actually relate to you as a human being
His does not work with people who have low self-esteem
They’ll identify and run for the hills.
And it doesn’t work with people with high self-esteem
They’ll think you are an idiot But